Sunday, August 30, 2009

Neologisms


Okay, so It's Monday. Let's have a laugh, shall we?





The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly

neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings

for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much

weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation

with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The

belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof

and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): it’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

9 comments:

Hardygirl said...

Okay, I can't get this dumb thing to not cut off the end of the bottom sentences.

And, my car won't start.

I hate technology!

sf

jessjordan said...

Ack, SF, with the teaser half-sentences! :)

LOL at willy-nilly. I'm still cracking up.

Lisa and Laura said...

Very cute! Perfect Monday morning reading!

Stephanie Faris said...

LOVE this! This one's my favorite:

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Although the winner is pretty funny too!

Solvang Sherrie said...

Omigosh that is the most hilarious list!!

Abdicate-that's me!

ElanaJ said...

ROTFL! I love the Bozone!

Shelli said...

this is funny! soime good book titles in here :)

Little Ms J said...

I like abdicate. I think I'm going to start using that when I talk to my trainer, "Why are you allowing me to abdicate?!"

Eric Spears said...

OK, those are pretty good. Here are some of mine:

flamboyant: The superhero ability to stay afloat while engulfed in flames

De-escalation: Taking the mall escalator down

Neologize: To apologize anew

For more, please visit my blog:
http://www.daisybrain.wordpress.com

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