Last week I posted an entry entitled, What Kind of Writer do You Want to be? That question led me to wonder what my voice was. And was it possible that I had written a book in one voice, but my own was entirely another?
As many of you know, I wrote a book called KISS & MAKE UP - a book I am immensely proud of. But, through the submission process, I began to feel like there was more to the story. That maybe I hadn't gone deep enough. And maybe I hadn't even been true to myself as a story teller. Maybe I had altered my own God-given voice. Maybe?
These revelations were troubling, to say the least. I think they started to surface as I was working on EPIC NOVEL NUMBER TWO, which just sounded different than KISS. More insightful. Juicier.
And I wanted that for KISS.
In addition, I was blessed to read a few books during this period of time that touched me deeply and I knew I had shied away from that kind of tension in KISS.
And lastly, I listened to a book on tape. As I heard the voice of the first person narrator, I realized my MC did a whole lot more telling, than showing. D'oh! A total novice mistake.
SO, after much drama, boatloads of prayer, and many, many Tums, I decided to decline an offer in order to rewrite the book.
The book is great, but I want to make it fantastic. And I'm scared to rush out something I'm not 100% confident about, just to be published.
To say I am terrified would be an understatement. On the one hand, I know I am doing the right thing, but, the deeper I get into the rewrite, the more it veers from the original plot and the more scary it becomes.
Anyway, that's what I've been up to. But without blogging about it, I feel like I have nothing to say. So I decided to just be honest. So often we hear of writers selling their books and we wonder how? We think it was easy. Fast, even. Yet behind the scenes, more often than not, I hear that it was a long, tearful journey. Tearful in that it took much hard work - more than they ever thought they were capable of. But joyous at the same time. We're getting to chase our dreams, and really, how many people ever even get to try?
The day I declined the offer was one of the best of my career. I never thought I'd face such a low and at the same time feel more at peace than I had ever felt before. However, that Feeling lasted about a week and a half before its brother, Fear-of-Failure showed up for coffee. And it has become a daily struggle to shut him up.
Today I am on chapter eight, feeling really good about what I've written so far. Dare I say, it's the best thing I've EVER written. But, I honestly have no idea how this will all turn out, or how long it will take. I'm just trusting God to show me the way, leaning on this wonderful verse
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your plot straight."
Oh wait. That should read: "And He will make your PATH straight."
Wish me luck!