I admit it. I am a complete idiot when it comes to politics. I don't read newspapers and I don't watch the news, but I can tell you why. Newspapers are too big and cumbersome and they turn my fingers black! Seriously - an opened newspaper is the size of me - and I have no patience for folding it all up so that I can read it while turning my fingers black.
And the news is always just depressing....
BUT, I do like for my friends or husband to explain things to me. And I do travel in circles of people who know a lot about politics. So, I have gained some knowledge through osmosis (just in case you were really worried about me).
The other day the city elections were held and I had seen the signs that a nice guy in town was running for office. This guy sits behind us at the Ole Miss basketball games, is friendly, supportive, a true Oxford character and I am certain loves our little city enough to give it all he's got.
I know nothing about the guy he's running against - not even his name.
So, I proudly trucked my 2 chickens over to the voting place in all of my patriotic glory. We walked up to the table where the nice lady reviewed her large book. "I'm sorry but you aren't listed as a registered voter."
Not to worry. For some unlikely reason, I actually HAD my voter registration card. "Here is my card," I said to her while winking at my daughters.
She looked back at her book and shrugged. "You're not in here, Ma'am. You need to see that man over there." She pointed to a large scary man across the room.
I walked up and proudly presented my card after frantically looking to see if it had expired or something. Do voter cards expire?
"Ma'am, you live in the county and this is a city election," he told me.
Gulp. Here I was trying to be political and teach my daughters a voting lesson and I failed miserably! I smiled and put my card back in my wallet and escorted them back out to the car. Then I told my daughter through giggles that she had a dork of a mom and that I was scared I would have to speak to the incumbent and tell him that I couldn't vote.
In the car my daughter said, "What's an incumbent?"
I paused. "I honestly don't know."
We burst out laughing. "What if it means rotten cucumber, Mom?"
"Dang. For all I know it does."
We laughed some more before calling SF and asking her. After hearing my story, she explained that I did not speak to the incumbent and should not use that word in front of my daughters anymore. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
Lord help me, I agree.
But I DO know how to make a mean fettucine, bottle feed an infant squirrel and assemble a crack team of manuscript professionals (story coming soon). So take that! political people!!
19 comments:
Hi-larious. Your post might have just saved Whatev Wednesday.
Wait. You have to register to vote? LOL! I'm so doing Whatev Wednesday next week.
Ha! You can USE the word incumbent, silly--now that you know what it means.
And, because of your phone call in which you told me this story, I actually did go and vote (I would have forgotten otherwise). So, you DID do some good for society after all.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!
sf
OMG, I am laughing so hard right now.
And hell yeah, who cares about politics if you can bottle feed an infant squirrel?
Fabulous post, and what an adventure, Katie. :) I admire you for giving it a try!
I would have made the same mistake :^) At least you tried!
That was awesome, and makes me feel much less *alone* in my lack of political knowledge! Although, I still can't bottlefeed a baby squirrel...
Hey, the important thing is you tried! (right?) I think the rotten cucumber will forgive you.
I'm also politically-challenged. Heck, I just recently discovered I was actually registered to vote! I totally agree that reading the newspaper is depressing. Every now and then I try to get into reading it, only to give it up after a day or two in the realization that it hasn't improved my life whatsoever.
Don't you know that incumbents ARE rotten cucumbers? I could throw some other words in the place of cucumber, but this is hilarious! You made me laugh out loud, or as Purple says, "I LOL'd."
I don't read the paper either and for the same exact reasons. I feel like I could fall into them and never get out. Unfortunately my job requires that I have an opinion on politics and the economy. I watch CNBC and CNN all day long. Blah. Ignorance is bliss. I miss my blank stares when people would ask about my opinion on a cucumber's platform.
We still love you, Katie. ;-D
OH my. This is totally something I would have done.
I'm glad you shared it with us!!
Oh and for some reason I thought you used incumbent in the right contest. Maybe using it with "man" afterwards would have made more sense?? Or does incumbent not mean "political leader" of sorts??
That's just me being silly!
And by contest I meant content. duh!
Oh and Lil' Ms. J - It's "LOL'd out loud"...it's redundant but that's how Monk said it once. I loved it.
verification word: Froging. hmm...interesting.
Oh boy. I actually referred to the guy I was going to vote for as the incumbent - but he was NOT. The other guy was. And to this day, I'm not really sure what it means.
I have decided that I am proud to be totally apolitical :-)
My dad will shudder when he reads that. haha! But I have too many other things I need to stay up on. I leave the Anderson's political stance to my brilliant husband. And I worry about the other stuff.
Okay, okay--the INCUMBENT is the person who is currently holding the office and is running for it again.
Katie was NOT speaking to the incumbent because the incumbent wasn't even in the democratic primary. She was speaking to one of the candidates who was vying for the democratic nomination so that he could become the CHALLENGER in the regular election.
Pop quiz tomorrow morning.
sf
I thought an incumbent was something guy's wore around their waist with a prom tuxedo.
;-)
But my favorite part of the story is where you call your daughters "chickens." Love that! That's my new word...
I had to read SF's comment like 3 times while trying to understand it!
SF!!!!! You lost me again with "democratic primary!"
And Robin, I always refer to my little girls as chickens :-)
Lila and Elana, I can't wait for What Ev WEdnesday!
Christy, I LOVE that you laughed and your mom follows!
Weronika, Rock on! Do give it a try :-) but don't FAIL like me.
Sherrie, glad to know we are the same.
Kimberly, I will show you how to feed a squirrel when you come here and sign a book one day. Just kidding! Never in my life, I bet, will a squirrel casually come to stay with me.
Tyler and Ms. J, I will now call the Incumbents Rotten cukes, forever :-)
KGL, I feel your love :-)
Clover, I liked Robin's use of the word incumbent - haha. Can't wait to check your blog comments today on your super fab chapter!
Whew! I might just run for office after this post!
"I might just run for office after this post"
You crack me up, Katie!
Actually you'd be a breath of fresh air on the political scene - go for it! But finish your book first, K? ;-D
I could totally see this happening to me too. Whenever i try to be cool - it backfires. so i just try to be uncool and hope it backfires?
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