Thursday, February 5, 2009

RANDOM PANIC - numero tres

So today I sat in my bed feeling rather green. As in "I might puke."

Tomorrow I hear from the dreamy agent who has my novel. I figure the worst case scenario is that she will decline and give me some great advice. She really is quite brilliant and has given me fantastic advice about a couple of picture books in the past. I have certainly had many rejections for many different books, so no big deal, huh?

The thing is, I love this novel with such a dorky cockiness that my parents keep getting mad at me. I know I wrote the darn thing, but I love the characters and their story. And it doesn't feel like I made it up. It feels like I simply relayed a story I heard about some adorable teens (and one dickhead). And so I want them to have an agent as much as I, Katie, want one.

Granted, she is the first person other than my husband, mother, and professional critique group to even read it. So I am aware that the odds of the first agent picking it up are like a zillion to one. And I have prayed that if she is not the best match for me that she will decline. I have prayed this enough that I think I will be reassured if she declines, that she was definitely not a good match for me long-term. But still...

Having an agent means that one other person on this planet, other than my family and close friends, believes in me. And one person who actually knows what she is doing. And works in this industry. Oh Lord, I have a stomachache.

And although having an agent doesn't mean I will sell my book right away, if at all... It means my family will likely support this indulgent "hobby" of mine with a little more enthusiasm. And maybe I can delay the job search a little longer. (I worked as a second grade teacher this week and almost committed myself to an insane asylum. To say it SUCKED would be a gross understatement. Just mentioning it makes me want to take a valium.)

Of course it could just be that I am hormonal today, and, in that case, I'll just eat some chocolate and be fine in a matter of hours. Thank you for listening.


Shelli said...

i believe in you :)

Tyler said...

I feel your pain! Well, not quite exactly; knowing the exact day you'll hear back has gotta be intense.

But good luck! I'm sure everything will turn out just fine.

Hardygirl said...

Go Katie, go!

I love your characters, too--they are close personal friends and I already miss spending time with them.

Advice? Stay really busy--that's about the only thing that ever helps me. That and a snickers. Or something fried.

Kimberley Griffiths Little said...

I KNOW what you're going through, Katie! Good thoughts, good thoughts . . .


Katie said...

Okay... I've gone to Zumba and danced and sweat. I've had my mother-in-law here and gone out to lunch. I've gone grocery shopping. I've had my car worked on. I've eaten a tootise roll and Mac and cheese and had 2 cups of coffee and overall feel WORSE...!!!

Except for the brief period of time in Kroger when this little baby (1-2 years) was singing Itsy Bitsy Spider in her loudest voice as her mama pushed her down the aisles. I went over and told her that I loved her song and she said, "My nose is comin' off." She then showed me her tiny fingers where indeed her snot was rubbing off onto her hands. I said, "Yes. I can see that."

Then she said, "My polish is comin' off." And once again I acknowledged that her teeny tiny nails were a tad sorry looking and in definite need of a manicure.

As I stood there talking to a two year old, I realized it was the first time I was relaxed all day.... But then her mama looked at me like "Alrighty Stranger, we need to be going now."

So they left. And the panic came back.


lindsey-leavitt said...

Deep breathing girly.
You can do this. And you are SUCH a rockstar to be at this point.
Advice--watch a show that makes you laugh before hand, something that puts you into a good, calm mood. You wanna be yourself as much as possible.
Also, eat airheads. Straight jolt of sugar should do you right.

Kimberley Griffiths Little said...

Love the story in Kroger with the little girl - what a hoot!

Dying to hear all about your phone interview with the agent today!!!

Good luck to you!!!!!!!

Katie said...

no word yet. am no longer anxious. just ready for some feedback.

taught sucky 6th grade today and am drained. can no longer write full sentences. am going to movie

might take LL's advice and eat large amounts of SUGAR.

Little Ms J said...

I'm excited for you! I love that you are so in love with your characters. That says a lot. If this agent isn't the one for you then I'm sure there is an agent out there that will love your characters as much as you.

Little Ms J

PS - Nachos with extra cheese are gourmet dinner in the movie theatre. By the way, how do you say theatre? I used to say thee-A-ter, hard a, but was made fun of when I moved out west. I was called a hick twice before I had to ask a west coast freak how they prefer their A's. So, now I have to pause and think about it so that my "theatre" rolls off my tongue like a snob.

Katie said...

movie was sold out. am officially in a funk


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