Thursday, February 5, 2009
RANDOM PANIC - numero tres
So today I sat in my bed feeling rather green. As in "I might puke."
Tomorrow I hear from the dreamy agent who has my novel. I figure the worst case scenario is that she will decline and give me some great advice. She really is quite brilliant and has given me fantastic advice about a couple of picture books in the past. I have certainly had many rejections for many different books, so no big deal, huh?
The thing is, I love this novel with such a dorky cockiness that my parents keep getting mad at me. I know I wrote the darn thing, but I love the characters and their story. And it doesn't feel like I made it up. It feels like I simply relayed a story I heard about some adorable teens (and one dickhead). And so I want them to have an agent as much as I, Katie, want one.
Granted, she is the first person other than my husband, mother, and professional critique group to even read it. So I am aware that the odds of the first agent picking it up are like a zillion to one. And I have prayed that if she is not the best match for me that she will decline. I have prayed this enough that I think I will be reassured if she declines, that she was definitely not a good match for me long-term. But still...
Having an agent means that one other person on this planet, other than my family and close friends, believes in me. And one person who actually knows what she is doing. And works in this industry. Oh Lord, I have a stomachache.
And although having an agent doesn't mean I will sell my book right away, if at all... It means my family will likely support this indulgent "hobby" of mine with a little more enthusiasm. And maybe I can delay the job search a little longer. (I worked as a second grade teacher this week and almost committed myself to an insane asylum. To say it SUCKED would be a gross understatement. Just mentioning it makes me want to take a valium.)
Of course it could just be that I am hormonal today, and, in that case, I'll just eat some chocolate and be fine in a matter of hours. Thank you for listening.