Friday, April 2, 2010

Aging Backwards

Last year, I celebrated a significant birthday.

Moment of silence . . .

Over the last year or so, I started noticing something very disturbing. When I had my contacts in, I could not see my hand in front of my face . . or my book . . or my computer screen. Unless I put on reading glasses. So, I was having to wear both my contacts and reading glasses. In other words, I NEEDED BIFOCALS.

Call me Grammy.

I put off making my eye appointment for months, basically because I knew if I gave in to bifocals, then the next thing would be bunions on my feet, dinner at 4:30, and obsessive watching of PBS every night. But, a couple of weeks ago, I bit the bullet and called a new eye doctor and went for an exam.

When I sat in the chair, I hung my head as if admitting defeat and confessed that I thought I needed bifocals. He put me through the drill--reciting the letters E, C, L, . . . And, he kept saying "Really? Are you sure?" and "Hmmm." When we finished he wrote something on his chart and said, "Your contact prescription is twice as strong as it should be. You don't need bifocals. You just need much weaker contacts."

Me: "You mean I'm actually getting YOUNGER????"

Doctor: "Well, if that's what you want to think."

Me: "You mean, I DON'T need bifocals? And, I'm NOT about to break my hip and end up on a walker and have to start wearing Depends?"

Doctor: "I don't know about any of that other stuff, but no, you don't need bifocals. And, your glasses prescription is even stronger than your contacts are. Don't even put these on your face. No wonder you say you have headaches a lot."

Me: "How did this happen?"

Doctor: "I'm not sure. Your eyes may have gotten temporarily worse when you were pregnant. Or, some doctors think people would rather have perfect vision a hundred feet away than to be able to see up close."

Me: "That's crazy. I mean, I'm not a truck driver or a professional sharp shooter assassin. I spend my day reading, writing, looking at a computer, drawing . . . "

So, I present myself to you today as a person wearing the correct contact prescription who is reading her computer screen with no supplemental glasses.

I'm going to get my lenses changed in my glasses later this week. If my budget allowed, I would get the glasses worn by the prematurely aufed Ping Wu on Project Runway. Sorry, I couldn't find a picture of her wearing them, but trust me. They're fierce! Take a look.

And, here's where you can buy a pair for yourself.



storyqueen said...

My eyes did that for a bit, too, the getting better thing.....but then, alas....

I won't tell you the rest, but those are some killer frames!


Shannon O'Donnell said...

LOL!! You are too funny. I need reading glasses now, and it makes me feel old, too. :-)

Katie said...

Ha! Great post!!! I need a new pair of glasses so bad.

See ya later, gator!

martinealison said...

You've the eyes of the heart...

Lisa and Laura said...

I can't believe you managed to get both Ping Wu and Grandmothers into the same post. Well played.

beth said...

Hooray! :) Isn't that great news?

(Although I have to admit--I never liked Ping on Project Runway. I *did* like her glasses, though :)

Anne Spollen said...

Love the nicotine Granny!

If it makes you feel better, the students at the Manhattan Fashion Institute wear "blanks" - non presc glasses as accessories. They buy them to match outfits.

So glasses seem to be in - for now -

Hardygirl said...

Yes! Gasses are totally in. I'm sooo looking forward to looking like a real writer when I get glasses that I can actually SEE out of.

And, Ping wasn't my fave designer, but she was totally entertaining.


Hardygirl said...

Okay, so "glasses", not "gasses".

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